“Wielded wisely, No is an instrument of integrity and a shield against exploitation. It often takes courage to say. It is hard to receive. But setting limits sets us free.”  Judith Sills, Ph.D., published on November 5, 2013The Power of Saying No

I love this quote because it is so very true. It gives a positive twist to a negative word. I prefer to think of “no” as the next best answer to “yes”. I sure prefer that more than the “let me think about it” response. I want closure, one way or another.

The vector selected to use for this power is what it’s all about. We must make sure we have balance in our lives, whatever that may be for you. I’ll admit that I often do not practice what I preach. I say “yes” more than I should; thus, finding myself over-extended and living in a stressful and chaotic mode. That means I don’t sleep well, I eat poorly, my body aches from tension, and my brain is in a constant state of overwhelm. In other words, I simply have too much on my plate, and I can’t manage it all! Do you sometimes feel this way?

It is so much easier to say “yes” when asked to do something rather than risk disappointing someone by saying “no”.  And, if you have a conscience, not being able to follow through as you agreed to do will give you a guilt complex. As I write this, I can think of at least three responsibilities I’ve undertaken and I’ve not fulfilled my obligations.  People are dependent upon me! I really don’t want to disappoint them and subsequently leave them in a lurch. If only I had said, “I’m sorry, but my answer is no…”

Here are five tips that all of us should try to follow, and with each I offer an example.

  • Say NO when asked to undertake a task or responsibility out of a sense of obligation.

Example – You are doing contract work for someone and being paid, for which you are most appreciative. He then asks you to support his favorite organization with time and/or money you don’t have. Rather than saying “yes” out a sense of obligation, kindly decline the invitation with gratitude for being considered.

  • Say NO when asked to assume a position knowing your time is already maxed to the limits.

Example – You are honored by being asked to serve on a board in an official capacity. It will look good on your resume and please a lot of people. However, you simply do not have enough hours in the day to fulfill the commitment. Rather than causing yourself great angst or worse, causing disappointment to others for not doing what was expected of you, kindly decline the invitation with gratitude for being considered.

  • Say NO to an opportunity that you are not qualified or skilled to handle.

Example – Someone wants to retain your services for a fee. The income to be made is awfully tempting, but you have no experience in this type of work and don’t quite know how you will be able to successfully complete the task. Rather than risking the respect of others and your good reputation by failing to accomplish the expected outcome, kindly decline the job opportunity and perhaps recommend another contractor with the right skills set.

  • Say NO when presented a business venture that could potentially make you a lot of money.

Example – You are presented with a great business plan by a special colleague you would like to help.  You need an investor partner and you go to three potential investors.  All of them decline the opportunity. That should be an indication that if a deal is not an attractive investment for others, it likely is not a good investment for you! Rather than risking a financial loss and your colleague’s friendship, kindly decline the proposal and seek another way to work together.

  • Say NO when asked to participate in a potentially harmful or questionable activity.

Example – You are invited to an event that you are not real comfortable about, but you know it could very likely present a good business opportunity. Stand firm to your standards.  If someone asks you to participate in an event or activity that jeopardizes what you believe or who you are as a person, there is no financial, political or social gain worth jeopardizing your reputation, or worse, your dignity. Rather than risking your integrity and good conscience for a potential business opportunity, kindly decline the invitation in a gracious manner.

I’m sure you can think of several instances when you should have said “no” but didn’t or when someone should have said “no” to you but didn’t. “NO” is very acceptable, and very often preferable to the alternative!

I’ll end this monthly blog by presenting a friend whose name I will not share.  Suffice it to say, he’s been extremely successful in business and has been in high demand to hold positions of distinction both locally and statewide.  Over the years I have also gone to him for assistance in community and project leadership due to his business and visionary acumen.  He is very clear on how much responsibility he can assume without having to compromise in other areas of his life. When this individual says “no”, he does so in the most gracious and sincere manner. I envy his capacity to decline a request that elicits a warm smile and a “thank you very much” reply!

Now, that’s the way to say “no”!